By Adrian Plass
B: Adrian, can I ask you something?
A: Sure. Fine. Right. Of course.
B: I don’t quite know how to put this…
A: Just go ahead. Say it. Spit it out. Say what you mean.
B: Okay, well, you know you introduced the missionary film yesterday morning in church?
A: Oh, yes, wonderful piece of film, wasn’t it? Fantastic stuff to watch. Great to have those images up there. Terrific visual display.
B: Ah! Well, that’s my point really.
A: Something wrong with the film? You didn’t like the pictures? Visuals not good enough? Not keen on the presentation?
B: No, no, the film was fine. It was you. You’ve - well, you probably don’t realise it, but you’ve started to say everything at least four times.
A; Have I? Four times? Everything I say? Is that what I do? Do I really do that? I don’t do that, do I?
B: Yes, I’m afraid you do.
A: You could have fooled me. I didn’t know. I had no idea. News to me.
B: Well, never mind, I’m sure you could easily change it. I think it’s a kind of Christian thing. Maybe you catch it like a disease. Practise not saying things so many times and you’ll be fine.
A: Yes, I could practise, couldn’t I? I could work on improving it. I could make a real effort. I could – hah!
B: You see! Only three and a half times. You’ll soon sort it out.
A: Right, so how long do you think it’ll take? What sort of time scale are we looking at here? What’s your estimate for – hah!
B; A week. Seven days.
A: Good. Excellent. (Opens, then closes his mouth)
B; I mean, you always were a fast learner. You do pick things up quickly. You don’t have a problem with new ideas, do you?
A : No, I don’t. Hey, this is amazing! I think it’s gone already.
B: Well done! Good for you. What an achievement. Congratulations!
A: Thanks ever so much for your help.
B: Oh, it was nothing. No problem. Don’t worry about it. You’re welcome. Forget about it. Don’t mention it.
A: You don’t really think it’s a disease, do you, something you catch?
B: No, I was only joking. I wasn’t serious. I didn’t mean it. Negative to that. Absolutely not. Not at all. No way. That is not the case. No chance. Never in a million years. Of course not.
A: Bridget, can I ask you something?
B: Sure. Fine. Right. Of course. Go ahead. Fire away.
A: Well, you don’t think you’ve - no, never mind.